Chemo Cycle 3

Yesterday I was feeling really blue after an exhausting but wonderful week off with the girls, and visit from Ann, my mother-in-law from Florida, thinking about the girls going back to school, having to do the mad morning routine and lunch packing, being apart, and of course chemo round 3.  Natasha didn't make it any easier either, telling me after I explained that we weren't going to be able to drop her off or pick her bc of my chemo schedule and reminding her that I had to go to chemo so I could stop being sick, that she wishes I would stay sick so I could drop them off and pick them up and cried and tantrumed about it for a while right at bedtime.  If only she knew how guilty I felt and that there was no need for her to make me feel worse.  Hmph.

But then yesterday Chris and I got to have breakfast and make a Sam's Club run without kids, which was heavenly, and I got to hang out with two friends who I hadn't seen in about a year, and my sister Tiffany sent me like the nicest text message ever and there were just such nice moments in the day, it helped with the anxiety until bedtime.  I think I got about three hours of sleep total, and ended up with both girls in the bed.  The insomnia did enable me to catch up on Scandal though so that was good.

So today.  We met with the oncologist this morning and she said even with the more extreme nausea last cycle, I am handling the chemo "really well."  She said the fact that I ran a 10k on Saturday was "incredible."  (Which by the way I was 75th in my age/gender category of 210 women but I am thinking I was probably in the top three if not number 1 in age/gender/active breast cancer/chemo patient, not that I am at all competitive.)   She also gave me a third anti-nausea medicine this go around so I am hoping that addresses the issue.  She also talked a lot about how this process is "curing the cancer", how if I get a recurrence it would be "rare" and just "bad luck."  I needed to hear that bc I worry about the impact this is having on my body and my kids like everyday, so the emphasis on curing was just what I needed.

After this cycle plus the shots through Saturday I am halfway through chemo.  I am so stoked.  We are actively planning for post chemo celebrations and vacations and just general fun and merriment.  Like I am looking for a recommendation for an AMAZING wine for a celebratory dinner post chemo for Chris and I in late June.  We could get our old standby Brown Zin but I want something worthy of a LIFE CELEBRATION.  Let.me know if you have any recommendations.  We are also still planning our family's vacation for the summer and I absolutely cannot wait!!  Looks like we will do Hawaii for just over a week, staying for a week in a house on Oahu and then ending with three nights at Aulani.  It is crazy expensive but I want to do something big to celebrate my cancer getting its ass kicked, our 10 year wedding anniversary, and just spend.some quality family time together before my final surgery and return to work when life will get crazy again.  I would love to do New Zealand or Paris, but I can't imagine doing either of those flights with kids. I CAN'T WAIT!!!!!

To get me through the next 80 or so days of chemo, I am still focusing on my running/walking/hiking goals every week, thank you notes, new obsession with long dangle earrings to accent my hats and draw away from my bald head, and research on eating pure, supplements, etc.  (Although I am going to be honest and admit I am nowhere near eating pure during treatment, only my bacon/egg addiction has evolved into a turkey burger addiction.  Like I want one for all three meals every day.  And cereal and milk.)  Oh and of course I am planning the girls birthday parties for the summer. I am feeling pretty good about everything.  No additional weight gained since the last chemo cycle so I feel more optimistic that it is in fact water weight from the steroid. Phew!

What else do I have to share?  I am still feeling incredible amounts of love, which I hope doesn't sound like bragging, because that is not my intent.  That has just been the best part of having cancer, which sounds really weird, but it has made me see so much more kindness in people, to experience love from and reconnect with friends who I had all but lost touch with, to understand how thoughtful and generous people can be (and hopefully to be influenced to be more so myself!) cards, letters, messages and calls continue to roll in...many of my co-workers and friends have me on some sort of.contact cycle so I am getting surprises every week, I have had someone or on some occasions more than one person bring me fresh flowers every single week since I was diagnosed, my mom and sister Heather are back at our house this week to help out, my sister Tiffany is trying to come next cycle and my sis in law Nicole is coming out for the May cycle.  A really good friend has all my cycles on her calendar in case she is needed...my sister's got me a new super adorable trendy lululemon bag for my chemo cycles (see pic), we are still getting meals and meal cards and the gift of time.  Honestly I feel like a queen...a bald puffy queen, but a beloved queen nonetheless.  I'm sure I'm forgetting stuff too and so apologize if I haven't sent out thank yous or recognized gifts, every single action has been really, truly appreciated.  Thank you.

Hope you are all well.  Thanks for reading.