Sleepless in Harbor City

Feeling extra grateful this weekend after three wonderfully exhausting days in Carlsbad with the in laws AND bc I didn't have to go in for blood work Friday or start popping the steroids before Monday's infusion.  YEAH.

Now if I could just stop the worry and anxiety cycle.  The girls were exhausting this weekend and unfortunately Karina did not sleep well at all in the hotel so we are very, very tired and short on patience...so I spent a lot of time yelling and breathing deeply and grabbing hands and feeling just totally exasperated with my little dumplings so as soon as they fall asleep (especially now that we are home) I feel guilty and sad and worried bc what if I don't get as much time with them as I want and I spend all this time, especially on vacation, being a mean old grump?  Will they remember the fun we had?  Will they know how much I love them, that they are totally MY WORLD?  Who will love them like I do?  I want to be around to raise them, dammit, they need me.

And once I start that cycle of worry, the tears start and so here I sit not sleeping when I am so ridiculously tired.

Hmph.