My 2nd infusion is tomorrow...and i'm still scared!

I sort of thought once I went through an infusion that it would be all easy peasy...old hat...MY ROUTINE.  But here I am stressing with anxiety and heart palpitations hoping this cycle is as easy as the last one, hoping they get my vein on the first try, and that while my hair is almost gone and it is gross and ugly that the stuff I am using on my eyebrows and eyelashes works so that I don't look like an alien.  oh and that the steroid works so the taxotere doesn't give me spasms.  Lots of hope going on...and fear.

Also with the hair...I totally get men with comb-overs now.  My hair is falling out in chunks and it is all dead.  It stinks like skunk or dead dog.  But I am clinging to those stinky dead hairs remaining like they are a vital organ.  I finally had to wash my hair friday, it had been like 8 days...and man oh man did it come out.  Anyway, I will do whatever I can to keep it for as long as I can.  And I am surprised by this because I am really so low maintenance when it comes to my physical appearance.

 I am also super pissed off bc I gained 5 pounds since my last chemo session.  I have been eating really well and exercising almost every day and ugh!!!  Both my oncologist and trainer said it is most likely water weight from the steroid, but double ugh!!!  I am mad.

Outside of the anxiety, I am relishing the love and fun and health from the walk yesterday.  I ran 4 1/2 miles, walked 1 1/2, the longest I have done since the 2007 Manhatan Beach Old Hometwon Fair 10k and I have cancer and am undergoing chemo and weigh about 15 pounds too much and I totally did it.  It was awesome and our whole team Boob a Bliss pious did incredible and we exceeded our fundraising goal by 50%!!!  It was truly awesome.  My new plan is that just as I have an.oncologist massage during the third week each cycle, I'd like to try to do a 10 k that third week too.  The third week I am supposed to be at my healthiest so I think it's a fairly realistic plan/goal.  That would mean that April 5th Chris.and I would be doing the Hollywood 10k with my sister.  I also aspire to try the superhero half marathon at Disney in November, but I have a lot to get through before then, so we'll see...

Anyway, that's it.  Overall I am in really.good spirits, just.anxious about tomorrow which only exacerbates my ridiculous level of exhaustion.

Oh and hey, happy early St. Patrick's Day.  Slainte!