Chemo Officially Sucks

Chemo Round 2:

I'm just done with the clinical part of cycle 2 (the infusion plus 5 days of shots) and I totally get all the drama surrounding chemo now.  I guess I was really lucky during cycle 1, and I guess a little cocky, bc I expected this round to be similarly bearable and it was absolutely not.  This round is knocking me on my ass.  Unbearable nausea.  Smells, like any smell, triggers a gag reflex, and food disgusts me and I can’t sleep bc of horrendous stomach churn and night sweats.  The exhaustion is also ridiculous.  Like I don’t think I can move my body off the couch exhaustion but then I can’t sleep bc my heart is beating erratically and I am so freaking hot.  It has sucked.  And been way worse than cycle 1.  I got an upgraded order of tier 2 anti nausea meds yesterday so I am optimistic this is going to be over soon.  The good news is that being so miserable has offered me very little time to focus on my hair and how ugly I look.  I perceive that to be looking at this as the glass half full…although I am sure that hardly qualifies.  Oh and did I mention that I have a chronic eye tick that is caused by the chemo.  It's annoying, but again, most of this stuff I can live with, I just need the time to go by as quickly as possible!

Anyway, I am officially 1/3 of the way through the clinical chemo part now so YEAH ME.  I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.  Here is a pic of me smiling during the second infusion bc they got the needle in on the FIRST TRY!

The Hair

The hair is all gone.  I was letting it shed naturally, which I mentioned previously was really disgusting, the hair was dead and it smelled and the shedding was getting ridiculous.  Human hair balls were joining our cat hair balls in the corners of rooms and on pillows and so last night I just had Chris shave it.  Physically, it felt really good.  Like a head massage and because I have been SO FREAKING HOT, it cooled my head off and stopped with the itching and the stinking.  (I really smelled like a dirty dog.)  But I look really ugly and I look really sick.  And, because the hair hasn’t altogether died over my entire scalp, there are black spots amongst the white scalp and I think I sort of look like a leper.  The girls reactions were totally aligned with their respective personalities – Karina was like “touch it, touch it!” because she wanted to touch it, and so she did and she laughed and then she kissed my head.  Natasha was like “AHHHHH!!! You look scary!”  and asked me to wear a hat.  Then she told me to take it off so she could scream.  Then she asked me to put it back on.  Then take it off. Until I lost it and was like MY HEAD IS NOT A GAME!  The husband has been perfectly perfect about it.  He was like, can I call you a snow leopard?  And then I had him take a picture of me with and without a hat, and after the pic with the hat on, he was like “You are such a cancer patient.”  Kidding of course and it made me laugh.  Today I had to go in and get my last shot alone bc Chris has taken the girls out for the day so I can rest, and I texted him that I was not looking forward to people staring at me.  His response:  If they stare, it’s because you’re beautiful and strong.  Somehow I chose really well in the husband department. 

 

 I will not be posting any bald photos, sorry.  I look ugly and am trying to avoid looking in the mirror when I go into the bathroom.  Maybe I will get used to it, but since I only have 95 more days of the chemo, I am hoping I don’t have to bc come the summer I will start to have hair again and can at least shoot for a little pixie cut.  (BTW, I am not fishing for compliments.  I look ugly and sick.  It’s fine.  I can deal with it.)

Other Stuff

I continue to be amazed at the generosity of my friends and family.  My mom stayed with us almost this whole week again and so I got to rest as much as possible.  I can only imagine that she is very tired because at 23 years her junior even when I was healthy, hanging with two energizer bunnies is exhausting.  And I can’t imagine being a mom watching your kid go through chemo.  That has to suck and if there is any mercy in the world since I have to do this, my kids shouldn’t have to and I will never know what that feels like.  Cards and gifts and well wishes continue to be sent my way.  See the hilarious card below from my friend Elisabeth.  Sad that there is a market for cancer cards, but damn whoever is making them is doing a fantastic job.  

What else?  I think that might be it.  We are planning on doing the Revlon Run/Walk Mothers Day Weekend if others are interested…let me know.  And always looking for other events in support of the cause.  

Thanks for reading.

Sherri